Kimvisable
by BTech
Summary: Kimberley Union has always been invisable,living in her sisters shadow and neglected by her busy parents.The only thing she looks foward to is Jared, but after his long absence ,Kim decides she needs a life.Can Jared win over the new Kim?K/J
1. Prolougue

**Kimvisable **

Prologue

KPOV

I live in La Push, Washington. In a small forest covered Native American reservation. Under constant rainy weather. Rain so thick you can barely see the little town. The population is a small 370 including me. It's not really a town more as four or five huge connected streets. It's pretty hard to get lost. We have one gas station, one school (K-12), and no malls. Just little stores. The city is where the cool stuff is.

La push like the rest of the world is separated in different parts. No matter how people pretend to be nice, it does matter where you're from. People see you coming from an area and they already have a preconceived notion about you.

South LP is most referred to as the ghetto. All the houses are shoebox small and only has one bathroom. The houses are stacked together. Every ten years of so the government pays to get them painted in obviously ugly colors. To make the houses look better ( yea –ok).People down on there luck buy house there (the government provides them). That is the low of the low. There are always stray cats around there and it has a slight fishy smell, thanks' to the Washington Fishery a couple of streets over. Nobody wants to live there. Nobody talks to the people who live there. Living under a rock would be more appealing.

Then there east LP, that's where I live. It's were the middle class live. The houses are standard size and most kids from school live there. The houses are spaced where not everyone's breathing on everybody else. But enough to attract the occasional noisy neighbor (*cough* Mrs. WaterKemp). The view is nice since its right near North Beach. Its pretty plain and nothing really cool happens, well except for the beach parties I don't get invited to.

North LP is the best part of La Push. The houses are big and the neighborhood is quiet and clean. The cops are never called there. Nothing bad happens .We call it the suburbs. All of the kids who live there are richer then the rest of the kids in school. Most of there parents work for the government. They all have there own cars. There popular and the meanest people I know (well from a distance).Most of them are anyway.

I live in a small house covered by forest and rain.

My parents divorced when I was seven. My mother is commited nurses at the Forks Nursing Home and sometimes helps at the Hospital. She works nonstop. I barely see her most nights. But she always leaves me a post it on the fridge to tell me stuff.

My dad works and runs his own little convince store called Quick Stop. It's the biggest convince store the rez has. Business is pretty good since its both near the gas station and school and everything else. Since there's no mall or anything most kids hang out there.

Then there's Nicole.

Nicole is my older "perfect" sister. She's the type of girl everybody loved, and secretly hated. I know I do.

She was social and knew everything about everyone. She was on the volleyball team, track team, basketball team. She was always on the homecoming court. (I would have to hear her whine for hours that she should have been queen) She was always going to, coming from or being invited to parties. She matched her shoes to her belt. Her belt to her purse. Her purse to her nail polish. And always had a boyfriend. Many in fact. She had fun watching them fight over her. She liked to keep them on there toes. She would say.

Nicole's in college now, so I don't have to live in her shadow at school. Not that anyone believed we were sisters. Nicole made sure no one knew we were. She would make it a point not to look at me and kept contact to a minimal. She would drop me off a block from school. Sisterly love, nothing like it.

Much to my displeasure, she still lives at home.

Like I said "perfect"

I'm just Kimberley Marie Union.

I mean I was just Kimberley.

I was that girl everybody sees but doesn't notice. The girl who does her homework on time. Has perfect attendance. The girl who has only one close "weird" friend because she's to shy to talk to anyone else. The nobody, the nothing. The only person you'd bump into in the hall and wouldn't even notice. She was practically a mute. Not that she minded. She was such a push over.

That was Kimberly. Not to say she was a bad person. She wasn't.

She was also really nice, dependable, sweet and funny. She was a creative writer, whose words could inspire the most uninspired. She was a decent artist. She loved to laugh and smile all the time.

But nobody noticed. Not that she really cared. She did care what he thought.

He as in the most perfect, wonderful picture of a Native American Adonis. He had shoulder length, glossy, black hair. Eyes that where the deepest darkest brown (you could get lost, I would know). His face was straight and logically handsome. He had some childhood roundness to his cheeks that didn't really balance with his tall lean body type. This made him look unique and different from the rest of the boys. I loved him for it. It made him look absolutely adorable. He had broad straight shoulders that looked strong.

He also had this way about him, which is hard to explain. You had to be train in _Jared_ to know what I'm talking about. He just walks so confident and so self-assured like he owned the room. He just lit up a room.

Best of all he looked wild, a bad boy, but he was far from it. Even in his football uniform he looked wild (oh that uniform!). It was tight and left almost nothing to the imagination. It looked like it was painted on his lean toned frame. Only he could look good in our school colors, brown and gold If you go to La Push High (LPHS), you know exactly who I'm talking about, if you don't know my future husband, of course he had no idea I breathe, his name is.

Jared Knight.

As in my Knight in shining armor.

Looking back on it, I think I've always like Jared. I could not think of a time were I thought anything negative about him. In all the years I've went to school with him. Even as a temperamental kindergartener.

I think I started loving Jared in sixth grade, when we were assigned lab partners in Mrs. Tamer's class. I was running late and forgot my backpack in the lunchroom. I was so disappointed in myself, I know its nerdy but I always prided myself on my good attendance. I was too much like my mom in the way I always obsess over things. He agreed to be my partner and he let me use his pen and shared his biology book with me. He might have thought nothing of it, but it meant a lot to me. Most of the kids didn't wanted to work with me, because I was in a heavily boy populated class. Girls had cooties or another form of a make believe disease. So there was strictly no girl – boy relations. He didn't tease me and he was the only one mature enough to be ok with working with a girl.

He didn't whine or complain. Unlike Timothy Stone who claimed he was allergic to his partner. But Jared took it with a sort of dignity that was rare.

The whole time I would sneak glances at him and that's when I noticed his eyes where so deep and that his voice had a calm and low tone to it. Even as a sixth grader. That his handwriting would vary from long and straight, to short and crooked as he wrote down are names on the fact sheet. I kept biting my cheeks and tried so hard not to smile like an idiot. But I couldn't help it my stomach was uneven and everything he said was wonderful. I couldn't help it.

I never knew how beautiful the Carbon Cycle was until he talked about it.

I left the class in an open-mouthed daze.

"Are you trying to catch flies?" Cayce said on the bus that day. Usually a comment like that even good-natured left me feeling self-conscious. However, my Jared fixed didn't ware off then. It didn't for a while.

After that day, I was hooked. I was completely smitten. That's when I started my journals and never looked back.

I don't know what it was but I felt an instant connection. Everywhere I went I would always think about him. It came to a point (7th grade) that I stopped trying not to think about him. I never talked to him other than that day. I was way to shy and could never gain an once of confidence to talk to him. It was serious to me, when all the girls worried about there hair and nails, the preteen years. I thought about Jared everywhere and everyday I would actually think he would just glance at me but no, he never really notices me at all.

It was ok. I realized it was better that way.

I would sit down and draw his silhouette whenever I had free time in class. My notebook-to be honest-ALL my notebooks had his name in it. Jared+Kimberley. Jared forever. ILY Jared. It goes on and on. Mrs. Jared Knight was my favorite. One day a teacher was grading my notebook, for pre-class entries and almost gave the book to Jared thinking it was his. After 30 minutes of hyperventilating at the thought of Jared reading my notebook , I promised my self I would have to hide my notebooks. I could sit down for hours and just write his name and not get bored. To just be amused by my inner thoughts of him. I would look at my self in the mirror and practiced what I would say to him. The exact expressions. I would be smiling slightly, hand on my hip (right hand) and a calm and welcoming look in my eyes. I would shuffle my iPod and pick the mood of our conversation.

My best friend Cayce was always bugging me about Jared "Talk to him" like it was that easy like I could just go up to Jared and say what hi. I'd faint. She didn't understand my crippling shyness.

We were only friends out of convenience. I was to quiet to talk to anyone. She was too different to fit in. She was a rebel. She was pretty in an odd way. Short and petite. Four piercings in each ear. She wore thrift store clothes (although her mother could afford brand names) She lived in the north side after all. She dyed her hair constantly, it clashes with her copper skin. But she claimed it made her look like a Hot Topic model. She did and said whatever she wanted. Sometimes I think she doesn't have a filter for her thoughts, because she blurts them out. No matter how inappropriate or embarrassing to me.

Where I was plain, Cayce was out there. She was the exact opposite of me. A major plus with being Cayce's friend was that she lives a mere 4 house away from Jared. (Jealous) Sleepovers were very cool.

One day she started talking to me and we've been friends ever since. More like she forced me. She would volunteer us to be partners for every class. Its not like I really had a choice. But I'm glad she's so persistent. I soon learned that behind all the black eyeliner was a real good person. She was the only one I ever talked about Jared with.

La Push supports tribe unity._ All is welcome_ they say.

**Please**

There is only one school in La push. Its one huge, run down, prison looking, gray stone building. The school is cut off into different building. Separated by grades. The most colorful windows are is were the younger kids go.

The more depressing and gray belong to the High School.

High schools are always segregated. Ours were no different. The school was divided in groups. All different groups for all different personalities (Punks, Jocks, Metal Heads, Goths, Scene, Too weird to be Scene, Popular's, Nerds, Emos, Rebels..exct).

But there was a greater divide in the school which I liked to call the have's or the have not's.

I was a have not.

Jared was a have.

Me= loser. Jared = popular.

When we reached High School, Jared joined the football team. He was the most athletic and had great height (a whopping 5'10); of course, he became the star quarterback right after his first game. He brought the team to play for the state, we won almost every game. That was only because he missed one, due to an "emergency" He was LPHS' golden boy and he was gorgeous.

He was untouchable, so out of my league it was pathetic to think we might breathe the same air. All my hopes of gaining enough courage (ha) to ask to homecoming were crushed. Of course, I didn't go to homecoming.

Me and Cayce boycotted the whole event as a chauvinistic, racist, repulsive, ill mannered. wHich meant that we both didn't get dates. Not that we really cared. I was to obsessed with Jared to want to go with Fredrick Mystic. who asked me in gym class. And Cayce said all the boys at school were to mundane and dull for her taste. We didn't want to waste so much money an a pointless thing. So we gorged ourselves on extra cheese pizza, chips and diet cokes while watching our favorite movies.

But Jared did, with Ava Klein. Who you guessed it is one of the five prettiest girls in our grade. Jared dated all of them, but I still loved him.

I knew this because Nikki Stone, one of the four prettiest girls was actually yelling to Amber, another one from the famous five, in our biology class.

"I can't Believe Ava." Nikki screeched. The teacher left for a "coffee" break and we were left to do independent reading. It was a two days before the dance. "She knew I wanted to ask Jared, She knew! I bet if I would cart wheels in front of him, I'd get asked out to but I'm not going to stoop to that, well maybe I would but I would be classier about it."

She said as she exaggerated a hair flip. Really who does that?

Oh did I mention they were all cheerleaders?

The Fab Five they called themselves, consisted of the shallowest, self absorbed, cruelest, drama queens I have ever had the displeasure to sit next to. They were all generic and wore only preppy clothes. They honestly had no personalities they like whatever was "in". The only thing they read is fashion magazines and the occasional trashy tabloids. They loved to hear, start and spread rumors. They spread a rumor our sophomore year that I and Cayce were lesbian lovers.

I was so frustrated, not only because they were all talking so loud, but because they didn't deserve him. I am a bit biased though; I didn't think anyone was good enough for him. But especially them. They only liked him on a shallow High School level. Where I **loved** him.

Not his good looks or status. I liked him because his laughter is one of a kind; he hums songs even if he has no idea about the lyrics. He's Confident and stands up for himself. He applies himself in everything. The confidence I wish I had, I found in him .He's so down to earth and has such great opinions on life. The way he moves his hair and licks his lips. He lived on the north side, but he wasn't stuck up like the rest of them (excluding Cayce of course).Oh and when has no clue what were doing in geometry but still pushes himself, knowing he's better than giving up. He's not as immature as the rest of the boy's (such as Paul that jerk). Jared actually cares about important things like getting scholarships (I over heard a conversation between him and Coach Phelps) he thought about his career and his future, he cared.

I could write a book (my journal) about how great Jared is. He had to be. He was the center of Kimberley Union's whole life.


	2. Chapter 1

Stephenie Meyers owns twilight and all twilight related content. But I do own everything else

Cayce = KAY CEE

Rafe = Raff (short for Rafael.)

**Kimvisable**

1.

KPOV

I know exactly when Kimberley started to fade away. I don't think I'll ever forget. It was October 12, a Tuesday. A typical, normal day for Kim. Or so she thought. She got up like every other day, not even questioning if today would a bad day.

"Beep Beep Beep." The evil box at the corner of my night stand was yelling. "Beep Beep Beep." Six o' clock it glowed. I moaned. Time to get up. I pressed the off button and tried to get out of bed.

I closed my eyes to recap on my dream. Jared was there - of course. We didn't speak, but he was there, in the back round of my dream. This was strange since he's usually the one in front and I'm in the back round somewhere. I saw him watching me, absorbing all off my motions. His face was guarded, slightly scary. But I could never be afraid of Jared. Instantly I felt safe. He didn't need to talk. Having him there was enough.

I smiled to myself. Thinking about Jared was the best part of waking up, and the highlight of my life. I threw off the covers and moaned. Mom forgot to put the heat on, again. It would help if she was ever home. The cold, fall air nipped at my skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps.

I rushed to the bathroom and quickly turned on the hot water. I tried to ignore my anger towards my mother. I mean really, could she remember me for once. So I thought about Jared instead. That was my reflex whenever anything went bad or I was mad I just thought about Jared. It really did work, I always felt just a little better. But just like with any other drug my problems didn't go away. But it did help.

My dreams about him where getting really strange lately. More like weird and it kept getting weird. Maybe different is a better word? Not bad but… I don't know, they left me confused.

Usually my dreams about him were more realistic. Where I was watching him, like in real life. Jared at his football games, Jared in history class, Jared walking confidently in the halls. Sometimes there were people; sometimes it was just me and him. But always Jared was the star of the show. He took the lead. And sadly like real life he didn't know I was there, watching. His attention was always somewhere else.

For the past few nights they've been different. Extremely different. Like I'm walking, I don't really remember where, I don't think it matters that much. Well I'm walking and he's watching me. I don't see him but I know he's there. When I do see him stare, his eyes are so fierce and hold almost inhuman concentration. It sends shivers up my spine just thinking about it, even last night. There was a big crowd of people, again I don't know why or where, but he was watching me. Everyone else was walking and going about there lives but he stood there watching and waiting.

But waiting for what? It left me confused .I had absolutely no explanation for it. It didn't make sense to me. I would love for him to look at me but why would he? I was plain. Not exactly the type he goes for. I don't know why he was watching but it made me happy. Like I was worth looking at, like I was the most important person in the world

Ha! Me the most important person in the world. I could settle with just having my mom remember to put on the heat. Or having Nicole not take my car without asking me first. It was _MY_ car after all.

I washed my face and brushed my teeth and changed into my Kim-iform, as Cayce calls it, baggy Levi's, sneakers and a sweatshirt. One thing both my sister and Cayce agreed on was that they hated how I dressed. I didn't care, it was comfortable and I had no one to impress. Well I did, but he didn't notice. I combed my dark brown hair, which at times can be hard since its not only long but thick too. It waves down to my waist.

Once I was finished I looked out side. Great. Nicole did take my car. I couldn't wait until hers was fixed. Or until she could care about someone who wasn't herself. I think the last one was going to take a lot longer.

I put on my heaviest rain jacket (a must in Washington), grabbed two granola bars and started walking the mile to school. Luckily I had my iPod and my inner fantasies of Jared to interrupt the silence. The rain pelted against my jacket. Why couldn't it ever just drizzle here? Cars flew past me. Fortunately I dodged the water they drove through.

As I walked into school I searched the school parking lot for Jared's green Jeep.

It wasn't there.

I felt a flash of disappointment. It was one of the highlights of the school day to see Jared get out of his car. Especially today, since it was raining very hard. He never wore a jacket. The water did, hmm let's say interesting things to his clothes. His shirt would cling to his skinny but toned frame. The rain made his shirt transparent and u can see the out lines of his perfect body. And he would run his hands in his hair trying to shake off the excess wetness. His hair looked even shiner and messy and incredibly sexy.

I involuntarily shook at the thought.

I couldn't help the frown on my face as I entered the building.

I can't believe I missed it. Again I hated the fact that Nicole was such a selfish person.

As I walked to my locker, I saw two people talking in front of it. Mary and Cayce.

Mary Lake transferred from the Makah High School last May. She was always getting suspended for consistently violating the schools dress code, they didn't approve of her black on black on black clothes and for skipping class (only Phys Ed.) I didn't blame her though, I hated gym. So her mom thought it would just be easier to go to another school. Mary wore black trip pants and tight corset styled shirts. Her arms where piled high with black rubber bracelets'. She always wore her black scuffed combat boots (to make her look talk she was short too) every time I saw her,she wore thick black eyeliner (like Cayce) and black lipstick. She had her labret, nose and eye brow pierced. She looked like a model for Hot Topic (that was her favorite store).

Cayce and Mary instantly became friends. Mary was black and depressing where Cayce was colorful and hyper. They balanced each other out. I felt like I was being replaced since Mary had more in common with Cayce then I did. They listened to the same bands (Slipknot, ICP, Incubus, Irion Maiden, Metallica...) and liked to do what I hated (talk about tattoos and piercings).they even finished each others sentences. But Cayce told me that are friendship was forever and she never left me out. Mary just sort off joined are unsocial, social group.

Then Cayce started dating Rafe a month ago.

Rafe Silver was very dramatic, and in my opinion not worth the drama. He considered himself an "artist". He was in (funny enough) drama. He stared in almost all the school plays. How do I know? Cayce made me sit and watch, an _hour_ long monologue that he wrote. He always had a notebook and pen in his hand .So that when he had an idea form his inner most soul (his words not mine) he would be ready to write them down.

Rafe was, as any other Native looked like, tall, darker than most and absolutely DRAMATIC, yes I say dramatic again because he was that theatrical. Although, to say the least, his style wasn't the worst yet. He was the only person I new that wore a brae. And he never and I mean never stopped talking about theater. And as strange as it seems he was straight. No offense.

At first I was jealous of them. Not because they were together intimately. I was pretty sure I didn't like Rafe that way. I was after all in a one sided relationship with Jared. I was happy for them, but I was used to having my best friend to my self. And up until a month ago we were both dateless and never been kissed.

Pathetic I know I've never been kissed. Not that anyone didn't want to kiss me, they did. I had many offers, but I always believed in the perfect kiss. And if anything would be perfect, it had to be with Jared. They both laugh at me for that but I don't care. It's true. Mary calls me a hopeless romantic and I suppose that's true to.

I was afraid things would get awkward with them dating but it wasn't and with Mary joining our group. Mary took an instant liking to me and me to her. I wasn't just nice to her for Cayce's sake, I really did like her. She was interesting and we talked about books, poems and movies. And I trusted Mary with Jared. She didn't really understand why I liked him, but she tried to. And we both didnt understand what Cayce saw in Rafe.

Well I guess we'd have to learn to like Rafe.

"Hey guys." I said as I peel off my now drenched coat.

"Kim!" Cayce and Mary say in unison.

"Ok listen, me and Kay were talking yesterday"- Mary began.

"And we have a solution to your whole Jared problem." Cayce finished. See what I mean about them finishing each others sentences. It can be annoying.

I was distracted as I saw Jared out side his English class, talking to his skank-I mean girlfriend Vanessa. Vanessa was a senior, big chested, small brained. Rumored to put out, first chance she got. I didn't like to judge people. But I also didn't like anyone touching Jared. And she was- repeatedly. I felt violated just watching, but I couldn't look away.

Really was it too much to ask for her to date people in HER own grade. Wasn't it bad enough I had all the freshman, sophomore and junior girls wanting to go out with him? Couldn't I at least get a brake with the senior girls? Was that to much to ask?

Vanessa and Jared have been going out for three months,three horrible, miserable months. Rumor had it that they met at Wesley Arbors annual summer pool party on the north side of LP, and hooked up. She's been clinging to him ever since. It's really disgusting to watch. I was kind of regretting eating my granola bars this morning.

He was hunched over like he was about to be sick. My heart hurt. I hated seeing Jared in less then perfect condition. There was a slight sheen of rain (or was it sweat?) on his forehead. He wore only a tee shirt and shorts. He must be freezing! No wonder he looked so bad, he must be sick.

The little ho- I mean Vanessa was still touching him. I felt a wave of happiness as I seen him shrug her off. With a look of annoyance on his face.

"Hello, earth to Kim!" Mary said waving her hands in my face. She and Cayce looked at what was distracting me.

Jared was walking away while Vanessa shoved her hand around his. I should report her. It's obviously rape.

Wait was he limping? I strained to see if he was.

"See if you were listening, you'd already have a solution; our solution." Mary said pulling me back into reality.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. I slammed my locker harder then it needed to be.

"OK I'll start again last night me and Kay were talking and we have a simple solution to the whole

Vanessa and Jared thing." Mary said as she looked at Cayce.

"Vanessa and Jared thing? I asked

"Yes" they both said.

"What?" I asked trying not to sound to interested.

I was curious what could I do about it? I didn't like the girls Jared went out with. But he had the right to date who he wanted. I wouldn't force him to love me. Although I hated all the girls Jared went out with. I felt bad for them; after Jared broke up with them. I think I related to them. Loving Jared and having to see him date girl after girl. He never did date the same girl for long, not for three whole months. But I felt no compassion for Vanessa. I didn't care that I hoped Jared would dump her soon. I didn't wish bad things to happen to her. But I didn't wish her well either.

"Kill her." They both said.

"Hmm" I looked at them. They were both smiling. I smiled back. They understood how much it hurt me to see them together. "Interesting"

"We thought you might like it. Question is…Rat poisoned brownies or a straight up shooting. Maybe a shank stick?" Cayce said I couldn't help it.

"Brownies you say?" I said trying to sound serious.

We all laughed as we went to our first period classes. At least I had my friends. There weird but there mine.

I looked at school this way:

Period 1: Math - with disgusting Paul, who always asks to use something of mine.

Period 2: Math- ugh, another period with Paul.

Period 3: English.

Period 4: Biology.

Lunch

Period 5: History- Jared induced heaven.

Period 6: Art- with Mary.

Period 7: Creative Writing – My favorite.

Luckily Paul had been absent for the last few weeks. Hopefully he'd keep that up. Or better yet, got home schooled. It's not like he did anything anyway, he just sat there behind me and cheated off my paper. He wasn't even crafty about it. He actually asked me to move me head, so he could see better.

I would tell him no, but I'm too much of a push over to say no.

My school day didn't officially start until fifth period.

In the beginning of the school year Mr. Del Sada assigned me to the front of the class, while Jared was at the second to last .I told him that the front made me dizzy. I felt bad for lying, but then I ended up sitting behind Jared. Where I could stare at him and no one would notice.

I got a B in that class .I couldve got an A, but that meant less Jared staring time. That wasn't going to happen. I always made sure to get there early to watch Jared come in. I wasn't going to throw that away to hear Mr. D talk about wars and rebellion. Not that it wasn't interesting. I'm sure it was, if I paid more attention. It's just compared to Jared, very little mattered.

I was surprised to see that he was already there. He had his head down and he had his arms around himself. He looked so weak and fragile. His dark hair spilled across the small wooden desk.

A strangled sound came out of my mouth. Almost inaudible. I felt so helpless seeing him there, and not being able to help him.

The class started but he didn't move. About half way through the class Mr. D asked me a question. I didn't even notice. I was so wrapped up in watching Jared, that I didn't hear him. I was so worried my hands were shaking slightly. My face was getting hot .I was getting more and more stressed. My stomach was in knots and I was biting my lip so hard, I was sure I'd taste blood soon. Jared hadn't moved one inch from where he first was. I strained my ears to hear his breathing, it was uneven. I felt a flash of heat surround my body. I didn't know what to do .Should I say something? What if Jared was just sleeping? And I would always be that freaky girl who freaked out in class. But what if it was serious?

Thankfully Mr. D saw that I was looking at Jared.

"Mr. Knight?" Mr. D said. It sounded like he was concerned too.

Jared slowly lifted his head. The whole class was watching him. I wish I could see his face, to see if he was alright. All I got was the back of his head.

"Are you alright? Do you need to go to the nurse?" Mr. D said

Jared just stood there for awhile and weakly shook his head. He hesitantly got up, grabbed his back pack and left class.

My heart SHATTERED.


	3. Chapter 2

**Warning:** Depressing. However, things will turn out for the better.

**Kimvisable**

2.

KPOV

"Beep Beep Beep" My alarm went off. I looked at it. I knew I wasn't going to shut it off. I felt mentally and physically drained. I did not think my body would move, even if I did want it to. "Beep Beep Beep." Time didn't matter. I knew I was not going to see Jared today. I had a gut feeling that I wasn't going to see Jared for a long time. The thought would hurt me more if I didn't feel so numb already. "Beep Beep Beep" I doubted anything could effect me.

More time passed.

"Beep Beep Beep"

My door slammed open. I felt a thrill of fear in my stomach, and I was right to be afraid. An angry monster was screaming at me.

"Damn it Kim! Are you ever going to shut that freaking thing off?" Nicole shouted. "I have a class in two hours"

"Beep Beep Beep"

I looked at my sister. She was in her pink Hello Kitty pajamas. It looked baggy on her hourglass frame. She had her hand on her hip. Her usually perfectly straight bob was tangled and frizzy. She still had make up on from Sunday night. She was staring back at me with a look of pure annoyance.

She looked at me still annoyed. She obviously wanted an answer. What did she say? Oh, she looks mad.

"Beep Beep Bee-" Nicole ripped the plug of the jack, as violently as she could. It landed on the floor; with a light _thunk_.

Did I mention that she_ wasn't_ a morning person?

"Kim? Kim!" She also did not like to be ignored. She looked confused. "What? Did you and those freaks have a fight?"

I didn't say anything. She took this as a sign. I never let anyone make fun of my friends. Not even Nicole. Well maybe except for Rafe. He was his own parade and I honestly did not have the energy to defend some of the things he says. Or does or monologues, in his case.

I don't know how long she stared at me for. Something shifted in her eyes she took a breath.

"Kim-" She began sounding clearly concerned.

I really wanted her to leave .I did not feel like putting up with her little tantrums right now. It was so like her, to only care about me when I was at my worst. Where was she when I needed some one to talk to? I just wanted to be left alone, in my room wallowing over my own problems.

"I don't care!" I yelled to her. My voice was raspy and strangled. I tried to think of the last time I talk. It was a while ago. "I don't care if I'm late! I don't care if I'm absent! Leave me alone!"

I wish I had this reaction sooner. Maybe I wouldn't be like this right now. I doubted it though.

Nicole was stunned, she actually looked afraid, of _me_. I never yelled and especially not to Nicole. She always intimidated me and made me feel insecure. Growing up with here as a sister took at big hit on my self-esteem. I did not care; I didn't care about much lately.

She was still staring shocked and her mouth hung open.

I wrapped my white comforter over my head and turned myself away from her. She got the message and left.

I honestly think I am going mental. This has to be the worst week of my life. It sounds dramatic, I'm sure there are people with worse problems, but never in my life have I ever felt so down. All my other problems were unimportant compared to the ones I had now. Never have a felt so alone and humiliated at myself.

Jared wasn't in for the rest of the week. Three days, seventy-two hours. That was not like Jared. He never misses more then one day. His attendance was nearly as good as mine, another thing I liked about Jared.

For once, Jared was not filling my every thought. I have been away from him longer then this. Like when we leave for school vacations .I could live without seeing him for a long period of time, as long as I knew I would eventually see him again. I was obsessed, but I wasn't fatal attraction crazy. His absence was not why I was in my room; hoping God would put me out of my misery.

After Jared left class, rumors went around school like crazy. Some were believable. Such as, him getting food poisoning from the cafe. Others were highly unlikely, like Vanessa giving him a serious case of mono. Still believable. But Vanessa was in and very annoyed by his absence. I also like to exclude anything were Jared and another girl are involved. It made my life easier. I know it's pathetic but it's my universe.

Why was I so miserable? Why did I feel like the whole world, yes the whole world, was against me? Why haven't I been able to get out of bed for three solid days? Why was I in solitary confinement? Why was my life over?

Vanessa.

It happened on Friday. I had been worried about Jared all week.

Mary and Cayce had been trying to cheer me up; even Rafe was trying to make me feel better. (This just made me feel worse because I did not really like him.)

Our art class was open to all grades, since music and gym were all full. That would explain why Vanessa and her best friend Amanda were there.

Even before she started dating Jared, I didn't really like her. She was loud and obnoxious and her friend was also, really loud. They were the meanest gossips. They really didn't care about other peoples feelings. They always tried to talk over each other. There conversations had two volumes. Loud and louder. After a few minutes their voices would go right threw me. It made it hard to concentrate.

Not only did I have to see them together. I also have to hear, in full detail, what she and Jared do together too. Trust me; Vanessa was not a shy person. She was very descriptive.

Which was why, Mary and I sat in the back.

As in love as I was with Jared, I did not want to know _all_ about their relationship. I preferred not knowing.

I was working on my self-portrait, which Mrs. Redroad assigned to us. I was good at drawing. Mrs. Redroad said that I was talented and I understood lighting and colors. It was a class I didn't have to work to hard in. I enjoyed the peace it gave me, like writing. When I was done, I felt confident in my self. Which is the only confidence I had.

I was surprised at how much I was struggling.

Mrs. Redroad gave us all mirrors to help.

I did not take the mirror. I made sure I didnt look at myself too often. Unlike my sister. I tried to avoid it, if I could. So having to look at all my flaws made me uncomfortable.

She said we could bring in pictures. That too was a problem. I almost never take pictures and the ones I have, I would mentally die if anyone saw them. I would throw them all out if my mom let me.

Mary was on the side of me with a huge supply black colored pencils, markers, crayons and paint on our desk. She was concentrating very hard on her picture. She looked completely engrossed.

I didn't know where to start so I made the back round first. I was out near First Beach, since I liked going for walks there.

The back round was almost done, and I was still struggling. I didn't like the idea of drawing myself. What was there no fruit I can paint? Maybe if I would relax, I could come up with something. I looked at Mary she had a black crayon in her hand. The look of concentration on her face was comical.

"Don't you think that's enough color." I said sarcastically.

"Well Kimie I figure that if this is a self portrait 'might as well be honest." She said staring into her masterpiece.

"Have you ever seen me in anything that wasn't black?" She shivered in disgust. "Like I'd wear pink!"

I looked at her in her black **Avenge Sevenfold** band tee and tight black studded pants with a black studded belt.

She was right, seeing her in any other color, would be weird.

"Well at least get gray for the studs on your pants"

She looked up at me with a smile on her face.

"That's what I like about you Kim, you're always thinking." She pointed to her head. She smiled and walked to the supply cabinet.

I smiled

After successfully grabbing the darkest color gray she could, she sat down, and looked at me.

Mary looked at me for along time and then said:

"Kim you have to let this whole Jared thing go. It's only hurting you. 'We've been friends awhile now and I know you. You're a good person, you don't deserve to feel this way. Just let him go."

I looked at Mary, the look on her face made me believe that all her words were genuine. She was sincere. She really did care.

That's one of the things I liked about Mary, she didn't judge and she never pried into my business. She let me live in my fantasy world. For her to mention it know, made me think that it had been bothering her for a while.

"It's unhealthy-"

"I know you care Mary and I respect what you have to say but I just ... I don't know ...I've always liked Jared. I think were meant to be –"

I was interrupted by a loud evil laugh.

I looked ahead of me. It was Amanda. She was standing in front of my desk. How did I not notice she was there?

_OH. MY. GOD!_

She was staring at me with a look of pure pleasure. Like a cat with a mouse in its sharp claws. The same expression too.

Please tell me she is not laughing at me. That she did not hear me. That a freshman spilled paint on himself again. Please let it be anything other then hearing my very private confession, on my love for Jared.

Please.

But no.

That would mean I would have to be lucky or if I was as invisible as I thought I was.

Unfortunately, I was neither

I looked at Mary. She looked at me with a blank expression. Her black lips mashed together in a tight grimace. She was at a loss for words. We both knew it was going to get worse. It could only get worse.

Amanda continued laughing

"Ness you have to come here" She said to Vanessa two desks over. Looking at me menacingly, a devilish smile spreading on her face.

_Oh No!_

I cringed inwardly.

My face was hot. My palms were sweaty. My throat was tight and dry.

Vanessa walked over and stood by Amanda.

"What?" she asked.

"I guess your not Jared's_ only_ girlfriend". Amanda said in pure amusement.

Vanessa looked at her, confusion clear on her perfectly made up face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you didn't know Jared had a not-so–secret admirer" Amanda said in a singsong voice. She was enjoying this. There was no doubt about it.

She was looking at me as she said it. How could she do that? Why did she enjoy my pain? It made me sick to see how much see enjoyed making fun of me, and I did not even know her!

"Mandy what the hell-" she said then she looked at my direction. She finally got the very unsubtle message Amanda was giving her.

She looked at me, her perfectly shaped eyebrow lifted up into her fore head. I felt so exposed and helpless, under her piercing gaze. I felt like the smallest amount of confidence I had gained in my seventeen years of life, was stripped away from me, in that moment. I felt so helpless and utterly alone.

She laughed the most malicious laugh I had ever heard; outside of movies. What was worse, was that she continued laughing. Worst yet Amanda joined in. Worse, over all they laughed so loud they caught the attention of everyone in the class.

The _whole_ class was watching .So the_ whole_ class heard what she said, after she was done laughing.

"Please like Jared would even look at you. Take it from somebody who knows, Jared likes pretty girls. Not little boys in girls – wait those still look like boys- clothes" She said. Her brown eyes glistening, with unshed tears, from her laughter. She actually laughed so hard that she was crying. "I always thought you were a lesbian anyways." Amanda laughed even louder. The sound was deafening. I felt my eyes water.

"Are you going to cry?" Amanda asked wickedly.

I CANT. I WILL NOT CRY! I yelled to myself.

"Before you do let me set you straight and get you out of this dreamland, you're living in. Jared is_ my_boyfriend… Even if we broke up, he wouldn't date you. You're a nobody. Nobody even knows your name. You're pathetic. Your actually an embarrassment and your only humiliating yourself. Even if he did notice you ,that wouldn't matter. You really are a nobody Kam? Wait no, or is it Kim? Either way it doesn't matter."

I couldn't help the tears that escaped. That only made her smile bigger.

"Oh look Mandy... She did cry." She said happily. Amanda just laughed.

My face was so hot I could feel the heat radiating of my skin. I felt dizzy, as if the world was spinning out of control. Maybe it was just my world? I think it was because I wasn't breathing. My mouth felt dry and my brain was blank. I was at a loss for words. Which didn't matter. Nothing I could have said or done would have made me feel any better. Nothing would have helped the situation. I was in tears and I didn't want to give Vanessa and Amanda the satisfaction to see more.

I did the only thing I could think of.

_Run._

I did not even question it. I got up from my seat and I headed to the door.

I heard Mary's concerned voice.

"Kim." She said but I didn't look back.

"Aww baby Kim." Amanda said. Both Amanda and Vanessa were laughing. I heard other laughter, but there's was the loudest. The cruelest. There laughter, just like there voices, went right threw me.

That laughter echoed into my brain. I walked down the hall replaying the whole thing in my head.

_Your actually an embarrassment and your only humiliating yourself_

Her words rang clear, over the laughter, in my mind

Why did I think Jared could ever love- not even love -look at me? Oh my god. Am I that pathetic?

I knew the answer already .I am. I am that pathetic.

My eyes are burning with unshed tears. No! I will not cry here.

I tried to ignore my trembling body as I went down the stairs.

_Even if we broke up, he wouldn't date you. You're a nobody_

The tears were more persistent. It hurt to hold them. I bite my lip. I was not going to cry.

_You're a nobody_

I saw the door. I rushed to the parking lot. Thank god, I had my keys in my pocket and not in my backpack, which was in art class.

_nobody_

The laughter was louder.

With shaking hands, I fished my keys out of my pocket.

_nobody_

My hands were shaking so bad I dropped the keys. It took me three tries to get into my car.

I put my head down in the steering wheel and cried.

_You really are a nobody_


	4. Chapter 3

**Warning**: Lots of swearing, if offended please do not read.

Shallow waters up ahead.

**Kimvisable**

**2.**

VPOV

I grabbed my sidekick.

**Come over 2nite** , I texted.

I waited for a reply as I painted my nails a very vivid red, Jared's favorite color.

I'm very angry at Jared for just leaving school without out even telling me .I had to ride the_ bus_. ME. Riding the bus, with the rejects from school.

A freshman actually asked to sit with me.

As if.

I swear if he does that to me again I'll give him hell for it.

I was surprised; he usually called me for a hook up, about know.

But he didn't answer my calls. I even called him at home. He wasn't there either. Even his mom didn't know where he was.

At first, I thought he was just going out, hanging with the other guys from the football team. That was not ok. I asked them to tell Jared to call me. But, they hadn't seen Jared either. Jared wasn't talking to anyone.

Maybe he was sick. Still he should have called me. Even if he was close to death, he could have picked up his phone and called me. He should remember who he's dating.

I programmed my number into his phone.

So he had no excuse.

I mean honestly. Didn't he know how many people wanted to get with me? He should count himself lucky that he's the one I want.

It's a good thing he's popular and hot, or else I would dump him like a fat girl on prom.

Nobody and I mean nobody stands me up.

My phone vibrated. I smiled to myself; of course, he wants to talk to me. Who wouldn't?

But it was Mandy.

I frowned in disappointment.

"What" I said louder then I meant to.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, all because Jared is ignoring you." She said. It felt a slap in the face. I would never let anyone ignore me. Not even Jared. I would make sure of that.

Ugh, I regretted telling her. I should have known, she would rub this in my face.

"Actually Amanda he is not ignoring me. If you knew the situation, you would know that Jared is very sick and his mom won't let him out of the house." I felt pathetic for lying but it would have been worse to say the truth.

Jared was ignoring me.

But not for long. When I see him, hes going to regret his great lapse in judgment. I was going to make him beg.

"Are you sure Jared at his house?" She asked

"Yes" I said automatically. Why was she asking me that? What was she up to?

"Well I saw boy who looked exactly like Jared was hanging out outside Quick and Stop with Sam Uley and that guy Paul." she sounded happy about it. What a bf she was.

"What!" I don't know what made me madder, Jared completely shutting me out or Amanda knowing about it.

"Oh I thought you knew since Jared was talking to you and all" She knew I was lying. she was making fun of me in a silent way. The girl way. Sneaky and deceitful.

_Bitch._

I flash of anger spread across my face. I knew Jared was avoiding me for some reason.

It worried me. I didn't what people to think it was anything negative about me.

Like the stupid rumor that, I had herpes, or something equally stupid.

I had to admit I was worried about Jared too. If he was sick who was going to take his place at next week's game against Broadneck? We were school rivals.

I was talking about it in class, when some body interrupted.

Some girl told me that this time apart was good. I guess she was trying to comfort me. It did help a little. It was amusing.

I laughed in her face. Even if he were _dying_, as the stupid rumors claimed, he would use his last breath to speak to me. That was just how this relationship goes; I am the women for him. The only one.

I wanted the conversation to end. I didn't want to be caught in any more lies.

"Well I'm not a clingy girlfriend; I like to give Jared this thing called space." Amanda made a sound under her breath. She knew I liked to keep Jared close, so no one else can take him. Not that he would leave me. Come on. Look at me. But it never hurt to be too careful.

She heard how my voice broke a clear sign I was lying. I realized I was only making it worse.

"I have to go, see you tomorrow at school." I didn't wait for a reply. I shut the phone.

Jared Knight You are going to pay for this.

And my friendemy, half friend half enemy "Amanda". Please she only hung out with me because I felt bad, now that I think about it; it's not my fault her mom died. Why doesn't she just go to an "Adopt a Teen" program and get away from me?

I am not the women to play with, Jared and Amanda should already know. But Jared especially. I'm the queen of his world and if he hasn't seen it now, he probably thinks there is someone else for him! Wait! That's probably a _Joke_he's playing on himself. There is no one better, prettier, more spectacular than Vanessa Jane Colwell is. I am _THE_ best girl, for anyone. There really is no one better, he should actually praise at my feet and beg for my time, but I was waiting for the 5th month, I guess not.

I had a plan to get him to feel comfortable. But he was getting too comfortable. I was going to have to remind him who I was.

Art class was dumb, but at least Amanda was there. She was good for a few laughs and some juicy gossip.

We had to do, what was it again, oh self pictures. All I know was that we had to paint are selves. I, naturally, was thrilled. I've been wanting to draw myself from the start.

I just didn't know what picture to bring. There was so much to choose from. Me at the prom. My hair was curled and a I was in a gorgeous yellow dress that I found at Forever 21. It made my tan skin look even tanner. But then again I had lots more. Me at homecoming. Me at my aunts wedding…

Sometimes it was hard to be so .. hmmm I want to say beautiful , but that's not enough.

I couldn't decide what picture to use. None of them seemed good enough. I was better looking now, so I thought more recent images of me would be better.

I just settled on using a mirror. I did not want to mess with success.

I looked at myself.

Perfect.

I had taken my time to get ready this morning. I thought Jared might be in. I even got my eyebrows waxed the night before. I was disappointed to see that he wasn't there, AGAIN!

And he didn't even answer his text messages.

I was fuming.

I asked Amanda to get me the black marker, since I couldn't find it anywhere.

I was starting to draw my hair, when Amanda called me from behind the room. She had a big smile on her face. I knew that smile. It was one I liked. It meant that something juicy was happening.

"Ness you have to come here" she said wickedly.

But she was in front of two weird looking girls. It was some tomboy and a Goth freak. I did not really care for anything that was out of our social circle. So this_ had_ to be good.

I walked over and stood next to her trying to ignore the girls ahead of us. In my opinion they weren't even there.

"What?" I asked. What was so important that she couldn't wait and tell me when she sat down? Why did she have to drag me here in front of them?

"I guess your not Jared's_ only_ girlfriend". She said obviously pleased with what ever she found out.

I looked at her. What she said made no sense. Of course I was Jared's _only _girlfriend.

"What are you talking about?" Like Jared could ever want anyone other then me. I was a ten; he was just fooling himself if he didn't think so too.

"Oh, you didn't know Jared had a not-so–secret admirer" Amanda said in a singsong voice. She was very pleased and she was looking at me as if I was missing something. Her eyes went to the less freakish looking girl. The tomboy.

"Mandy what the hell-" I said but then I was cut of by my realization. I began to understand, she must have over heard the tomboy say something about Jared.

I went to get a closer look at the head case. Because that's what she was, to think that Jared would ever leave me (as if) and go to her, was crazy. She wasn't only crazy she had no style too.

She was wearing a blue oversized hoddie. It wasn't even from a brand name it was just a stupid hoodie that you can find at any clearance rack at any low class cheap store. I couldn't see her shoes or pants, but guessing by the shirt, they were probably ugly to.

I looked at her face. I had to admit she wasn't that bad looking. Long hair tied tight in a pony tale. She had nice skin. Her eyes and lips were big. She could use a good pair of tweezers.

I laughed Jared wouldn't go for her. Then Mandy started laughing. Now I get it, she wanted to cheer me up. We laughed so hard people were looking. It was ok. I liked the attention. I like attention period.

I was laughing so hard I think I was crying a little. I had to stop though.I needed to give this girl a much needed reality check.

"Please like Jared would even look at you. Take it from somebody who knows, Jared likes pretty girls. Not little boys in girls – wait those still look like boys- clothes" I was so mad at her for even thinking she had a chance. What was the world coming to? I wanted to set her straight, so she wouldn't be confused again. Then I remembered something that somebody said about this girl. "I always thought you were a lesbian anyways."

Job accomplished she looked close to tears.

"Are you going to cry?" Amanda asked. She was really the best person to have on my side for something like this. She had no mercy.

I didn't really want to make her cry but I was going to use her as an example to the rest of the freaks. Her not being totally ugly made me madder because if she liked Jared other girls liked Jared to. That was not ok.

"Before you do let me set you straight and get you out of this dreamland, you're living in. Jared is_ my_boyfriend… Even if we broke up, he wouldn't date you. You're a nobody. Nobody even knows your name. You're pathetic. Your actually an embarrassment and your only humiliating yourself. Even if he did notice you, that wouldn't matter. You really are a nobody Kam? Wait no, or is it Kim? Either way it doesn't matter." Wow, I was surprised and kinda proud of my self. I didn't know I was that big of a bitch.

I could see the tears she was obviously hiding.

This only made me feel better. It really egged me on.

"Oh look Mandy... She did cry." I said I couldn't help the smile I had. I knew that this had to be done. It's like a crack in the dam. One crack leads to more cracks. Then the dam breaks.

With that, she stormed out of the room. This only made the whole thing funnier. Some people started laughing with us. She even left her ugly crap behind.

The Goth called her name.

"Aww baby Kim." Amanda called after her.

So her name was Kim. I was only guessing.

Her friend was looking at me with the oddest expression on her face. But in her eyes I saw the hate there. It made me feel weird, that she was looking at me like that.

"What are you looking at freak?" I said my voice sounded weird and shaky.

"A bitch ...a big bitch" she said blankly. The expression _if looks can kill_ came across my mind.

I wanted to say something, but something told me not. Who cares what she thinks. She's a lonely freak, and I'm me. I guess it all works out in the end.

***

MPOV

Self-portraits.

Well that was easy. I always took the time to paint my face. I made sure I had just enough time in the morning to put on my eyeliner, mascara (volumized of course) and thick black lipstick. The problem was the lipstick, since it always smudged and faded. Every two periods I had to apply a fresh coat.

But hey, I guess we all have to pay a price for beauty.

The class was about to start Mrs. Redroad was reading the newspaper as she usually did in class. She had a small radio, with classical music playing in the back round.

At This point, I just wanted to play my drums and tune out the world; I wanted my own planet with old records and dead rockers. Nevertheless, since that didn't happen, I had to be here at this crappy school, with crappy people. But hey, at least I had some friends.

She said the music helped us relax,

Please it was crap.

I could not stand it. It drove me insane. Give me screamo any day. Korn .H.I.M. Deff Lepard.

Anything was better than this pretentious music. It was like standing in an elevator.

"My ears are bleeding Mrs. R." I said with mock horror. Covering my ears.

She looked at me from behind her newspaper and smiled. There were small wrinkles around her eyes.

I liked her she was nice and did not interfere with my creative process, to much.

"To each there own Miss Lake." She said. There was a hint of amusement to her voice.

I guess that is true, If everybody liked my bands they'd become over rated.

Just like the Teen bopper's and Slutty Skank's .oh wait lets not forget the Jocks, that thought wood was only a hard penis. What a bunch of crap.

THIS WHOLE SCHOOL IS CRAP. I WOULD SAY "OH MY GOD" BUT I'M A BUDDHIST.

Well not really but I tell my mom I am. I keep her life interesting.

I had to admit this school sucks a lot less then my other school. I didn't have gym class, thank Buddha. I liked art and Kim was nice to sit next to. She was quiet and a genuinely nice person. She was a person you instantly liked, if she gave you the chance to see her outside of her shell.

I felt bad for when I first met her; I thought she was an absolute skezz. You know the goody goody. The person who looks down at others for being different. But she really wasn't like that. She was surprisingly non-judgmental and open to new ideas. She accepted my strange quirks, as my mom likes to call them. she was a good listener, someone who pays attention when you talk.

But today she wasn't she was still obsessing over that meat head Jared. She was quiet, even too quiet for Kim. Even when she tried to laugh, at my attempts to cheer her up, there was a slight frown there.

I never got how she could care _that_ much about a boy she didn't really know. But then again I never was in love, so I don't get it.

The best thing was to give her space. Maybe things will resolve themselves.

I got up and got as many black colored anything, as I could. I needed variety after all. I was looking at my page trying to see where to start. I didn't want my picture to come off repetitive. I had to admit to myself that I did need some color.

I grabbed the a black paint, and smeared it over the sketched paper .

"Don't you think that's enough color." Kim said sarcastically because

I was usually very particular about critics. However, it was Kim. Kim can never be mean. She did not have the heart for it. I knew she meant it in the nicest way possible. I ignored the comment though.

I was just glad she was talking.

"Well Kimie I figure that if this is a self portrait 'might as well be honest." I said still working on my current masterpiece, as I call all my projects.

A girl in a pink shirt passed my seat. She even had pink matching berets. A freshman, probably. A real girlie girl. I could never wear that.

"Have you ever seen me in anything that wasn't black?" I shivered in disgust, thinking about that girl with berets. "Like I'd wear pink!"

She nodded silently.

"Well at least get gray for the studs on your pants" she said.

That would be a good idea. The picture would look dark without being all black. I smiled.

"That's what I like about you Kim." I said pointing to my head. "You're always thinking." That was a cool thing about Kim. She paid attention to the details. Where I was a big picture kind of girl.

I and walked to the supply cabinet. I tried to find the darkest gray I could.

I sat down and looked at Kim.

I've been her friend for awhile, longer then I have ever had any other friend, except Cayce. They all thought I was weird or they didn't like some of the things I said. I always felt the need to say what was on my mind. A lot of people didn't like that. Who knew?

Kim didn't judge me, she was sweet. She listened to my petty problems with my mom and gave me some advice. That was the only reason I didn't comment on her obsession on the duckweed. Because that what he was to make Kim feel so depressed, just for not showing up.

I looked at Kim struggling with her project and I knew why. She was great in art but when it came to drawing herself, she couldn't do it. She had low self-esteem and was very self-conscious. Note the baggy clothes that hid her small figure, or her long hair that she used as a curtain to hide from the rest of humanity. She didn't even have a reason to hide herself, she was actually very pretty. I think she could be beautiful if she took the time to be. She wasn't really that plain, her clothes made her look plain. She looked exotic, her skin was light, from her white dad, and her eyes were a very nice shade of brown. She was all eyelashes.

She made me so frustrated sometimes. I wanted to grab her, shake her and tell her to_** stop**_!

I know I promised myself I wouldn't butt in to her business but looking at her look so innocent and hurt made me incredibly… I don't know what, but I didn't like the feeling.

"Kim you have to let this whole Jared thing go. It's only hurting you. 'We've been friends awhile now and I know you. You're a good person, you don't deserve to feel this way. Just let him go." I felt good saying it. It was like a weight off my shoulders.

But I didn't want to upset Kim, she was already in a mini depression. I tried to read her expression. She didn't look mad, just thoughtful.

I felt like a should continue.

"It's unhealthy-" I think she knew where I was going with this because she cut me off.

"I know you care Mary and I respect what you have to say but I just ... I don't know ...I've always liked Jared." I didn't get to hear the rest, there was one of the rudest pigs in our class Amanda laughing like a crazy.

Then it hit me.

Oh, please let her not have heard the conversation.

However, she did and she did what other pathetic bitches do, she went to tell another bitch.

Have you ever seen a car crash and you could have done something but your brain freezes up and you do nothing? Well unfortunately that was what happened. I was paralyzed and all I could do was watch Kim being socially crucified by the two sluttiest, shallowest bitches in our art class, if not the whole Rez.

I had to watch Kim leave the class in tears. It made my heart hurt to see my friend so upset.

I called after her but she didn't reply.

I looked at them. Why would they even make fun of Kim, she wasn't even doing anything to them! She was just sitting quietly in her own seat. Why did they have to be so hateful?!! Why did they have to pick on Kim , who has no self esteem, when they had more then enough.

Then I got a flood of realization.

They were insecure. They where worse then Kim! They actually raised them selves up by bringing people down. They had to feel power of someone to feel good about them selves. They dated a bunch of boys and let them treat them like whores so they can get attention.

Wow!

Looking at them made me see it all clear. They needed to make themselves important and that was the ugliest way too do about it.

Realizing it didn't make me feel pity for them. Vanessa especially because Amanda was clearly a henchman a side kick. I still hated them because anyone who can be that mean to girls like Kim didn't deserve pity, from anyone. They obviously had no hearts.

Vanessa stopped her screeching and looked at me.

"What are you looking at freak?" She said.

I told her the truth

"A bitch ...a big bitch"

St that second she looked like she was going to say something and I hoped she would. Instead, she and her accomplist walked away.

"Bitch" I said again. I did real want to start something with her, but she just ignored me.

The whole period, I was worried Kim was on the edge of a bridge somewhere.

But she was smart, she wouldn't do that.

I hoped.

Class ended and I grabbed all of Kim's stuff and put it in my locker before Bio class.

When school ended I looked for Cayce on bus stop, but saw Rafe instead.

"Hey sunshine, where's your girlfriend?" I asked.

He scowled at me.

"I really wish you'd stop calling me that"

"If wishes and dreams where made of peaches and cream we all wouldn't go hungry, sunshine" I said.

"That doesn't make sense"

"Can you just tell me where she is?!" he didn't need to ,a small girl with a huge rainbow bow was coming toward us.

"Hey guys. She looked at my expression. "What's wrong" She frowned

I told them about art class. Well I told Cayce, Rafe just would not leave.

"Oh my god!" She said in horror. "Poor Kim."

"Wow girls are mean." Rafe agreed.

I bit my tongue at a very nasty comment about Rafe being a girl.

"so what should we do?" I asked.

"We should go over there." Rafe said.

It was nice that Rafe wanted to help, but this was girl world, we had a different set of rules.

"No" Cayce said. "We should give her time; we would only make her feel worse lets give her space"

So we decided to let her come to us, to talk. We didn't want to pressure probaby wouldnt talk to us any way.

I agreed. I would want space if that happened to me.


	5. Chapter 4

**Kimvisable**

4.

_Running. Running. Running._

I'm not fast enough. I know that but I still keep going. I have to .I cant, cant stop. I feel it gaining on me. I run threw the thick forest. Branches and plants are whipping my skin. My uneven breath is all I can hear.

I see a green halo. A light. I can see it ahead of me. With each step, the light gets bigger and brighter. It's blinding. But I still run. The forest is thick and dark. I barely see my feet.

It doesn't matter. I have to keep going.

I'm close to a clearing. It's trying to corner me. I could almost see the smile on the beasts face. Happy that its pursuit is going to plan. I felt rage but it was stifled by my fear.

_Snap. _A twig breaks. The sound brings pure terror. It's the only thing I could here. Not my ragged breath or my pounding heart. Everything else was muted. The vibration was all I could hear. It was ringing in my ears.

It's getting closer. The realization freezes my mussels into place.

**Run!**

I demand. But my body betrays me. My body knows it's useless. But my heart refuses to stop.

I couldn't accept it.

That I lost. That I wasn't good enough.

A breeze hits the back of my sweaty back.

That I've failed her.

Especially not that. Id rather face death.

Its here. I guess I wouldn't have to wait.

**Its over.**

I look back and stare at my nemesis. Bright light assaults my eyes. Its repealing smell burns my nose .my head throbs. All the hair on the back of my neck is standing on end. I could feel my heart in my throat. My throat tightens.

It's watching me .It smiles wickedly and advances forward-

"Jared. Get up." mom yells.

I wake up with a shock. I jolt out of bed. I quickly look around the room. My room .I was in my room. Not the forest.

I try to slow my breathing. My heart was pounding. Adrenaline pumping threw my veins. My vision was cloudy and unfocused. I lay myself back down on my bed. I wince at the tugging feeling in my legs and stomach. I realize just how sore my mussels were.

**Just a dream. Just a dream**. I tell myself.

Just the same, damn dream.

My forehead felt itchy. I slide my hand across it and feel the sweat pouring out of my skin. I was drenched. The thin cotton sheet clung to my wet body.

I rip off the moist blanket.

I hated sleeping with a sheet on.

I felt hot. It feels like a sauna in here. Like I was outside in the beating sun all day.

No-No just a dream.

Lately I hated sleeping. I would do absolutely anything else. Just so, I there was a possibility that I was to tired to dream. That my brain would be to worn out to create these stupid dreams. That I would be lucky enough to get a break.

Yeah me get a break.

Right.

Trust me I tried anything I could think of. I would compulsively do crunches and sit-ups at two in the morning. I would watch TV until six. Even read, well magazines. But no it didn't matter what I did. How long I do it for. Or what time I did it at. The dreams always came.

And they'd been getting worse.

Like they were building .Feeding of me.

Every time I had the dream, it was more detailed. I saw more then I did the other night.

It was so creepy. It was like being stuck in a Freddy Kruger movie. You know you're not going to make it. You it's pointless to even try .but you still run. You do everything you can to survive.

It kept getting worse the first dream was just me in a forest. Then I was running. Then there's something chasing me. Then I feel the running the anxiety. The hopelessness. Because I already know its hopeless and that made me mad. The madder I got the worse the dreams were.

The more I started to believe them.

Last night was the worse. I had never sweated that much before. My skin felt hotter then yesterday.

Sam said that was normal. My body would take time to adjust. The transformation took time.

"Jared!" mom yelled as she smacked the door.

I was thankful I had a lock.

"I'm up!" I yelled back.

"Hurry up!" I heard the wood floor squeak as she left.

Ughh. I really did not want to go to school. But my mom was an attendance Nazi. She would flip if she found out I missed three weeks of school. There was no way shed let me stay home all because I had a bad dream.

Like I would tell her. Like I would tell anyone if I had a choice.

This was my first day back and I was dreading it.

My life was different. Hell, I was different.

And all I wanted was it all back.

I wanted to be me. The old me. The one that didn't go patrolling for leaches at one in the morning. The guy who was at a party at one in the morning.

I miss Jared Knight. The guy who was popular. Who got invited to everything. Got any chick he wanted. People in the stands would cheer for him. He never had to try to hard and no one would expect him to.

I know its shallow but I wanted it back. I wanted the old me. I didn't even know who I was.

Who was I now?

Other then a wolf. A wolf! I turn into 400-pound wolf whenever I got mad. And I was always angry

Angry Jared? Was that the new me.

It fit.

According to the council, I was a time bomb_._

**Well that was comforting.**

So since I was new I was the worst? I didn't think so. I knew I wasn't the best. That was Sam's front.

Sam was so dam unnerving. He was quite and every movement he made was so precise. He had the control thing down. He was like the king of control.

I would hate him because of it, but I couldn't. He earned that control. What he did to Emily was all he could think about .it made patrols pretty dam depressing.

That's really saying something.

Like the patrols could ever be happy and uplifting. Besides, he was my alpha. The loyalty thing is ingrained into my system.

I would hate him for that too but he was the only person (besides Paul) that got what I was going threw.

Well at least I wasn't the worst one.

Paul was under constant watch. The council even made phone calls just to check on him. Billy Black would even stop by his house. Naturally, they had to tell his mom. He was just so horrible at keeping his cool. He really could not keep the secret well. He never could keep a secret.

I felt bad for him.

At least I didn't have to tell my mom yet. And never would if I had the choice.

School was going to suck.

I couldn't talk to anyone. I had to act normal. Schoolwork wasn't important, only focusing on stay calm. Always be calm, no matter what. If anyone asks, I had the flu. No sports. Most importantly if Sam needed us or we were going to lose control, just go.

At least there was a plus. Being part of the council did give us some advantage. The council could excuse are absences. They could pull me and Paul out of school for "tribe" business. This was code for wolf stuff.

Paul went back a few days ago, we couldn't go at the same time –too suspicious. We had to stay incognito. Everything had to appear normal.

He said it was weird going back.

I asked him why

He said you'd understand. Then walked away.

I think Paul just likes to fuck with me. He was so immature.

I got dressed in my new clothes. New as in, I was too tall for my old clothes and I kept shredding them into confetti.

All I had left were my sweat pants. That I only used for gym.

Great I'm going to school dressed like a hobo.

I doubted if anyone would notice how I was dressed. I had the whole 225 pound 6 foot 3 thing going for me.

I got into my jeep and drove to school.

I made sure to stop at the store to pick up my breakfast. I drove as slow as possible as I ate my breakfast. My breakfast included two packages of glazed donuts one package on chocolate dipped donuts, a box of cherry pop tarts and three monster drinks. From the local store. I needed my energy.

I finished my last pop tart in four minutes. I felt satisfied when I ate. I was always hungry.

I never ate like this. It was so different, kind of a release. All fats were off limits because of football. I had to keep my weight at 180 and only ate lean meats. It felt good to pig out. To not care. I couldn't remember the last time I had a donut.

That's why I loved the Sam's little house. Emily was to go a cook to stay away from. And she always cooked.

I made sure to be as late as I could be without getting a detention. I didn't want too many people to see me. On the other hand, I didn't want the school to call my mom

I went to the office and got my admit slip. The air in the school smelled heavy. It took me a while to realize it was the sent of people.

**Awesome I have great smelling! **Now I can smell all the crappy perfume and B.O everyone has.

I wished I were outside. The air was cleaner and less concentrated by people.

The secretaries at the office just got the information they needed and gave me dumb founded glares. They noticed my changes. They weren't going to say anything. At least not my face.

Good. I'm not going to tell you how disgusting you smell. But if you asked, it would be a mixture of your old lady perfume, black coffee and !

Ughhh. Today was going to be long.

I had a feeling no one was going to.

The thought was a little comforting. Maybe I wouldn't have to face awkward questions.

Just in case I would stay away from my friends and every place, I hung out at.

I made it to my locker and got my first three period books. I made it just before the warning bell.

"Keep it cool" I say under my breath. It was my motto since seventh grade. It was more of a religious mantra then anything else.

I tried not to notice the Mr. Scarps the freshman bio teacher, who doubled as the morning hall monitor, glared at me. I tried to ignore the stares of a group of freshman waiting outside there class. Or the hushed whispering of a few of my classmates.

_Oh my god what the hell happened to him._

_Why did he cut all his hair off?_

_An Indian with no hair? What the hell is that?_

Even though they were all a good, 16 feet away from me and could hear them loud and clear. Like they were all right next to me.

Oh, I get a bonus. Super hearing too.

Wow! I'm lucky!

If only there was a bus I can jump in front of. Today would be the best day.

Paul was right it was weird.

Through the morning, I pretty much got the same reaction. First, they stared and I mean attention-grabbing stares. I don't think they blinked. It was as if I was famous or deformed. I couldn't really tell. Maybe I was. Either way they kept staring. They only looked away when I looked back. I felt angry.

**Why couldn't they look away? Why wasn't the teacher freaking doing something? It was her dam class. What did she want me to teach the class**-my mouth got dry. Everything got hot and my arms started to tremble.

No. Not this again.

**Don't let anything mess with the control.**

I took a few easy breaths and calmed the shaking away.

No one would come next to me. Or talk to me. The guys kept to there space. The looks on there face was easy to read, it was the same looks that Sam got. The looks changed from Fear, intimidation and some were jealousy.

"_He huge I bet he can bench-press 100 pounds!"_

"_Pfft 100 pounds more like 250."_

"_I knew it! I told you he was on steroids!"_

"_Yea I knew he was a little to good at football."_

"_And he liked gained like 40 pounds."_

"_In mussel"._

I let the voices fade they sounded familiar and I could tell who said what but I didn't want to think about it. It would only make me mad. I was to busy focusing on the control thing anyway. It was a lot harder then I thought.

I didn't really know how to take the comments somewhere really hard to ignore. But weird enough the guys were the worse. The girls were well... I don't know

"_He looks hot with no hair." a freshman giggled to her friend_

"_Oh Jared, what a hottie."_

"_I hear he's going out with that slutty bitch cheerleader."_

"_Which one?"_

_Hahahahahhahahahaha!_

What are they talking about? What cheerleader the last cheerleader I dated was … umm.

Tip of my tongue.

Brittany –no that was last year. Amber-no. Kara-no last year. Christen-last year. Tally-last year. Breanne, Catherine, Caitlin... how many girls are on the team? Dam how many had I dated?

Bitchy and slutty… well that narrows it down-

Oh, crap Vanessa.

But we weren't going out. After her, many unanswered messages and her un-replied texted, I just assumed she would lose interest.

Being a wolf was way complicated. I really didn't want to put a girlfriend in the mix.

My life was hard enough, thank you.

Besides there wasn't much there. No connection.

Don't get me wrong we had fun and stuff. Usually it was just the stuff that kept it fun. Nothing serious. Nothing worth pursuing.

I was thinking about other things .more important things then who I would date next.

I wish I had such stupid little problems.

Now I had to worry about protecting my whole tribe from soul sucking leaches.

The classes were boring since I didn't have to do anything, usually I didn't. But know I couldn't talk to anyone. Except for Paul and we only had bio last period. I was glad all of my friends were upper class men and didn't have the same classes. I didn't have to face them yet.

All I was looking forward to was lunch.

I was called down to Coach Phelps office before lunch started.

I knew he probably wanted to give me hell for missing so much practice and costing them the game.

Is my day ever going to get better?

I walk down to the locker room as slowly as possible. I wasn't looking forward to this.

I knocked lightly on his door.

"Come in" he said behind the wooden door.

"Ugh you wanted to see me coach?"

There sat a bald man with no hair but his thick gray mustache .he wore his usual uniform of a plain blue gym suit and sneakers, with a whistle dangling down his neck. No one knew how old he was. However, counting from the gray hair in his mustache- he had to be old.

He got up and sat in front of his desk, to face me.

That was not a good sign .he only did that when he was giving bad news.

I felt anxious.

"Yes Jared." He pointed to the nearest seat. I sat down. "I'm very disappointed in you."

Yup no good news.

I nodded. I don't know why I did .I think it was because it expected of me. So I did it.

"It's not like you to miss practice and games. Especially the Broadneck game."

I was wondering if the game did go well without me. I think I would feel less guilt about not being there.

"The Broadneck game!" he shouted threw his mustache.

I guess not.

"We've been training for months for that game. I spent countless weeks preparing you guys to take them head on and then you leave!-" he continued for another good 25 minutes. "How could you." "You let the team down." "You let me down." Was the point of what he was saying.

I couldn't listen to him I had to tune him out.

Of course, I felt bad. I did want to go to the game! I was just to busy protecting everyone's asses from blood sucking creatures!!

I took a lot of deep breathes and took a page from Sam's book.

I sat still looked him in the eyes and thought about something else.

"So many drills-"

**Stay calm.**

"And you just don't even come-"

**Think about something else. Anything**. I racked my brain for meaningless topics to save me from verbal beat down.

"We had a lot riding on this game."

**I wonder what for lunch today…. Doubt it will be good. Maybe I could drive off campus and**

"-are only chance to be undefeated in the –"

**pick something up. Hmm... What do I want...?**

"-game of the year! Do you understand that Jared?"

**I have been in the mood for meat. Cheeseburger? Bk or MCs**

"-and you just threw it away without even-"

**The real question is if I want a Whopper or Big Mac. I like the flame broiled taste of Whoppers; on the other hand, The Mac has more meat-**

"So what do you have to say for yourself?" He ended obviously fumed.

Here it comes... the part I've been dreading.

"Actually, coach your right. It's not like me. I let everybody down. It's my fault. So Im quitting the team."

He stared at me for a long time.

Guess he didn't see that coming.

"Listen boy I was never going to throw you off I-I just w-wanted you-"" he took a breath "Don't do that. Don't quit the team I understand that maybe you have some problems… if you need time"

**Oh, do I ever.**

"But don't let that get in the way-"

I cut him off "No coach it something I have to do." I know he was going to object so I quickly ended it "I've been meaning to quit for awhile. I guess I didn't want to let anyone down."

The bell rang.

**Thank freaking God.**

"I guess I should go." I said as I headed toward the door. I left so fast that I could hear what coach had to say.

It was pointless anyway. No matter what he said, I couldn't play. It was different know.

A different time.

A different me.

I walked into parking lot to see Paul there. Leaning against my jeep.

"Weird right?" he said as he got into my car.

"." I muttered

We ended up eating at McDonald. More meat less money.

We ate in silence and it was okay .we didn't feel the needed to talk about are day because we already knew it was shitty. So why ask?

Four big Macs, two large containers of fries and one super sized coke later we went back to school.

Well half the day was over and I did not kill anyone. That had to be a good sign.

I came into class late but my teacher was so surprised that I showed up that he didn't mark me down.

The room smelled nicer then the rest of them. It was fresh and cleaning smelling. It was a nice change. I felt calmer.

So maybe my day was getting better.

I took my seat and heard yet another group of people talk about me.

"Settle down class" he waved his arms.

I felt a sudden flash of happiness. I didn't no why I really didn't have anything to be happy about.

Mr. D started talking about a war that I had no idea about. He started to write this on the board. So I started to draw in my notebook. I didn't use it. It was more of a prop then anything. I wasn't going to do any work.

He then passed out work sheets that had to do with some kind of war. I didn't know or care. I didn't need to do it and didn't care enough about my grades to even attempt it.

I just passed it down.

No one grabbed it.

I waved the paper around the back of my head.

Still no response.

Well I'm not going to hold this thing all day.

**Was the seat empty?**

I turned to see why they didn't get the dam paper.

Just then was when it hit me.

My life became unraveled. All of what held me together was ripped at the seems.

My friends. My frustration about my new life. The loss I felt about my old one. My responsibilities. The essence of who I was. All of it cut. Gone. Thrown away.

I was falling.

Then there it was like a flash.

And I felt the pull. The center of the universe. I was attached to it. She put me back together.

She was so beautiful – no beautiful was not a good enough word she was so much more superior-gorgeous striking stunning breath taking .no nothing fit she was beyond words. She was indescribable. Otherworldly.

She held me together.

How could I have never seen her before? How much has changed since I last left.i know she wasn't here before. I could not have lived knowing that there was someone so breathe taking. Really she was, sitting next to me and me not talking to her.

I felt my heart tug and twist in so many ways. I was pretty sure it was unhealthy. I didn't care I didn't want to stop looking at her.

I would rather die.

Her pull was stronger then anything I felt before. Even when Sam was in alpha mod.

I know I shouldn't like her, well at least this much but I do.i never felt so much love towards anything in my life. It hurt I could feel it in my bones in my being and deep down to the core of my soul. Hurt. The feeling was so intense. However, as I was floating all the hurt was good. It was like a release.

Like spinning and letting go. The colors and shapes all make sense for a minute. Nirvana.

I know I shouldn't notice the things she does, but I do. It shouldn't make me so happy to see her smile, but it does.

If only I could see her smile.

**Why was I feeling like this?** The rational side of my brain thought.

It was a dumb question all I could think was **Why not?**

I knew it wasnt logical but who cares. I was a wolf.

I think we can throw logic out the window.

She was perfect, so remarkable. There were so many incredible things about her that I didn't know where to begin.  
I watch her intently as if she was a dream I ached to stretch my arms and touch her. Just to see if she was real. To hold her. To never let her go. To protect her with my new-found mussels.

I would defend her from the harshness of the world.

At that, moment a rare beam of sun came threw the window. Its light her long dark silky hair. It touched her light tan skin. The light illuminated her. It cast a golden halo around her.

My heart was pounding. I was beyond words or coherent thoughts. All I could think was "**wow**".

Then her warm cinnamon eyes where fixed on mine.


End file.
